PawPaw had gotten sick, he actually asked to go to the hospital and if you knew my PawPaw...you know what a big thing this is. After a few days, he was making progress but out of nowhere, he took a turn for the worst. I took my daughter to the doctor for a check up and when I came home I had a message from my mom saying to call her. I just knew. She told me that PawPaw had passed. While I was at the hospital with Kaylee, my Grandfather died.
Words can not express the pain we as a family felt the moment that sweet, sweet man took his last breath. He was our rock, our hero. He was the strongest man I've ever known, to have gone through everything he had, to still keep good spirits... We take comfort in the fact that we knew he was ready. He told Nanny he was ready. We know he's no longer hurting. He's not being poked and prodded by doctors, nurses and home health care workers. We know he's in a better place.
But, I want him to be here with us. Why wouldn't I? I was so close to him and Nanny. I am a military wife and no one understands that better than they do. I miss hearing, "Hey there my little Navy wife" when I call their house. And today I called to talk to Nanny...as we were hanging up she said, "Tell Kendall we said hi."
We.
I know thats what shes used to saying, but that one got me. I choked through the, "I will, Nanny." and I had to hang up so fast. What about Nanny? How will she get by without him? 53 years of marriage and now he's gone. She'll make it, she's a fiesty woman...but I hope you know what I mean. How will living without her best friend and lover of 53 years effect her?
Questions. There are a lot of questions about that.
He was brave, strong, loyal, smart, handsome, loving, caring, tough when he needed to be, fun, understanding. I could keep going all night. He was so important and it hurts to know that even if I live to be 100, I'll never be able to talk to him again. It's hard to call Nanny and NOT ask about PawPaw. I know that next time I go home, I'll drive away from their house and he won't be on the patio waving and blowing me kisses. I'll never get another rose from him. I'll never hear another Army story, or get his advice.
But speaking of Army stories. I remember a time when our whole family went to the beach together. My cousin, Ryan, wanted to bungee jump. PawPaw told him to yell out, "AIRBORNE!!!" and he'd give him something...or it was a bet that he could/couldn't do it. I can't remember, I'll have to ask Ryan. Either way, he did it. And the look on PawPaw's face...I'll never forget it. He was so proud of all of us, he loved us through all our mistakes, all of our triumphs. Our marriages, the births of our babies. They travelled 750 miles to Virginia when my kids were born. He had his great-grandbabies pictures on his wall and he'd give them all goodnight kisses every night. I wish I had been able to be home more. I was given, in an odd way, two more months with him thanks to the Earthquake Japan got. I wouldn't have had that time with him. He was at my sons 2nd birthday party, he would've missed that. And during the party he gave my best friend $50 to buy a Bible for her newborn daughter...just to show you what kind of wonderful man he was.
Kendall and I wouldn't have paid some very unexpected bills had it not been for PawPaw and Nanny. Everytime we had to borrow money from them, we made sure we had it to give back. Every single time...I'd hand it to him and tell him it was a tax refund, and every single time he'd hand it right back to me and tell me to keep it and spend it on the kids. He gave me a blank check before I moved to VA with Kendall to get me home if I ever needed it. He got us home from Japan after the Earthquake. He'd slip us all money on the sly for no reason other than he loved us. Those are the memories I'll never forget. Who gives a CRAP about the money you know? It's the light in his eyes as he did it that I'll miss.
I wish I had more time with him. I know that he was proud of me and that he loved me though and that will give me strength to make it through my darkest days. To know all that he went through...I can surely do anything if he went through all of that. I called them all the time, always made sure to talk to PawPaw if he was around, and sometimes I'd hear him on the phone even when I was talking to Nanny. God I miss that man, and I always will. He truly is my hero. It's hard to imagine a world without him in it...
